Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Laura Diamond's Critique

Here's my blog critique of Laura Diamond's sample.  Thanks to Laura for volunteering.  Feel free to add to my crit, agree with it or disagree.  Reading is subjective, and to a certain degree, so is editing.  See, I told you that was my new mantra.

Below is my detailed critique.  Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

Blog Crit of TALENT'S_BLOOD by Laura Diamond

Please note that the text and critique are only posted on this blog and not on a true public forum.  Next Wednesday, I'll critique again.


  1. Oooh, great comments!! Thanks so much--the is VERY helpful! :D

  2. From a purely readers stand point, the story definitely pulled me right in!! There were definitely some things that need to be fixed, as Lynnette mentioned in her comments.

    I took it that the main character is Justin, right??? For as little as you do say about him, I did get a good sense of who he is and how much he loves his sister and needs to take care of her since their dad was killed.

  3. Stephanie: Now that you mentioned Justin was the main character, I took another look at it and I see that. For some reason, my reader mind imagined the character as a girl, so it never hit me that Sammie said Justin's name. I took it as though there were three characters there. All the more reason to set the stage so the reader knows who's there. Good catch.

    Lynnette Labelle

  4. Funny how different sets of eyes catch different things! :) I was a little confused at first and had to reread was easy to miss and I would have suggested removing the name there anyway. Most people in normal conversation don't use names very often. But it does alert the reader of who the MC is. Maybe something like this would be smoother:

    "Justin?" Sammie trembled as she huddled closer. "They're stopping here."

    And with the sister being Sammie...I wasn't real sure of either gender. With my suggested reword, the reader definitely knows that Sammie is a girl.

    Looking forward to my critique in a couple weeks! :)

  5. I loved that! The concept seemed kind of like that I Am Legend movie with Will Smith. I agree with Lynnette though-a little more information would've been nice. :)