Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Critique of Stephanie Haefner's Beginning

Here's my blog critique of Stephanie Haefner's sample. Thanks to Stephanie for volunteering. Feel free to add to my crit, agree with it or disagree. Reading is subjective, and to a certain degree, so is editing.

Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.
Blog Crit of Spellbound by Stephanie Haefner

The text and critique are only posted on this blog and not on a true public forum.  Next Wednesday, I'll critique again. 

If you're interested in a critique, send your first 500 words to me at lynnette_labelle at hotmail dot com.  Please put "Blog Critique" in the subject, so I know it's not spam.  Let me know the genre of the sample and whether or not I have permission to use your name.  There are a few people still waiting for crits, so your piece will be added to the queue.  I'll let you know roughly how long it'll be once I receive your sample. 

Please note: I'm only accepting one sample per person at this time.

Thanks to all who've volunteered to share their work on my blog.


  1. Yikes...not much positive in that critique.

    I've always been under the impression that chick lit is a sub genre of women's fiction. And it does, of course, have romantic elements, but they are not entirely the focus.

    Roda is a wedding flower specialist, but also stocks wedding related items and accessories. Apparently I have not given enough to show the reader that. I myself have worked in the floral industry for many many years, working for other people and for myself. It is as much of a service industry as it is a business that provides a product. And every shop I have ever worked for meets with clients in the actual display room of the shop...there was no office in the back. The design room is usually busy and messy and not a place you want to bring customers through. Perhaps I need to better explain this.

    I guess my intentions are not coming through in this piece properly.

    Thank you for the has helped solidify my fears that this story is just not any good and I need to walk away from it, at least for a while. Sometimes it's hard to know when to do that...but it's not hard anymore! :)

  2. That was fantastic-I almost groaned at the end when that woman came on the phone again! The only thing is I'd take out a little bit of the irritation, just a sentence or two so it doesn't seem like she's always unhappy. Other than that, it was great. :)

  3. I don't think you need to walk away from this story, Stephanie. If you start with the inciting incident, I think it'll all come together.

    Lynnette Labelle

  4. Stephanie: I'm glad our little brainstorming via email helped. I think this could be a super story. Have fun with it.

    Lynnette Labelle