Here's my critique of Jennifer Johnson's query letter. Thanks to Jennifer for volunteering. Feel free to add to my crit, agree with it or disagree. Reading is subjective, and to a certain degree, so is editing.
Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.
Jennifer Johnson's Query 1
Thanks to all who've volunteered to share their work on my blog. I'm a professional editor. If anyone is interested in having their query, synopsis, and/or manuscript edited, I can help. I'm also a writing coach, so I can teach you how to edit your own manuscript. Plus, I offer one-on-one courses on the craft of writing. Contact me for more information or visit my site.
Lynnette Labelle
http://www.labelleseditorialservices.com/
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Great crit, Lynnette! This sounds like such a fun concept, but the blurb is very dry--more synopsis like. I agree that the key is adding more voice and zest and a bit more information. Also, being more specific about the stakes--change his life beyond recognition is kind of vague. What does he really stand to lose? What will happen to the princess if he doesn't saver her? etc.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this query reads (to me) more middle grade than YA. Help us understand that your MC is a teen and is facing conflict/issues that would connect with a teen audience.
Good luck, Jennifer! I love the idea of the narrator being a character. What a great twist!
Roni: Thanks for the added advice. I totally agree!
ReplyDeleteLynnette Labelle
www.labelleseditorialservices.com
I agree...it tells the reader what the story is about but lacks pizazz.
ReplyDeleteSounds like an interesting story though! Good luck!!
I should add that when I recommend for someone to write the blub as if the character's writing it, I mean as an exercise to get into the character's voice. Most likely you wouldn't use that piece as a part of the blurb.
ReplyDeleteLynnette Labelle
www.labelleseditorialservices.com