Recently, I posted Kimberle Swaak's critiqued query letter. She has since revised it and I've critiqued it again. Here are both versions, so you can see the difference between them. I'll post the old version first.
Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.
Kimberle Swaak's Query 1
Here's Kimberle's newest version of her query letter.
Kimberle Swaak's Query 2
Thanks again for volunteering, Kimberle. The next winner of the query contest will have his/her query critiqued a week from today. Watch for it.
What did you think of Kimberle's revisions? Any suggestions on how she can further improve her query?
Thanks to all who've volunteered to share their work on my blog. I'm a professional editor. If anyone is interested in having their query, synopsis, and/or manuscript edited, I can help. I'm also a writing coach, so I can teach you how to edit your own manuscript. Plus, I offer one-on-one courses on the craft of writing and will soon teach online group courses. The first course Hook, Line, and Sinker is coming soon. Contact me for more information or visit my site.