Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Josh Trapani's Query Revision and Critique

Recently, I posted Josh Trapani's critiqued query letter. He has since revised it and I've critiqued it again. Here are both versions, so you can see the difference between them. I'll post the old version first.

Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.
Josh Trapani's Query 1

Here's Josh's newest version of his query letter.

Josh Trapani's Query 2

Thanks again for volunteering, Josh.  Next week, I'll post a critique of the first 500 words of a writer's story.  Who's story?  You'll have to come back and find out. ;)

What did you think of Josh's revisions? Any suggestions on how he can further improve his query?

Thanks to all who've volunteered to share their work on my blog. I'm a professional editor. If anyone is interested in having their query, synopsis, and/or manuscript edited, I can help. I'm also a writing coach, so I can teach you how to edit your own manuscript. Plus, I offer one-on-one courses on the craft of writing and will soon teach online group courses. The first course Hook, Line, and Sinker is coming soon. Contact me for more information or visit my site.

Lynnette Labelle


  1. Thanks so much, Lynnette. This has been a big step forward for me in the (seemingly endless) process of getting my query letter in the best possible shape.

    Best of luck to all others out there struggling through this part with their own work!

  2. Josh: I'm glad I could help.

    Does anyone else have anything to add?

    Lynnette Labelle