Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Blog Crit of HIDDEN IN SHADOWS by Nicole Zoltack

Here's my blog critique of HIDDEN IN SHADOWS by Nicole Zoltack. Thanks to Nicole for volunteering. Feel free to add to my crit, agree with it or disagree. Reading is subjective, and to a certain degree, so is editing.

Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.

Blog Crit of Hidden in Shadows by Nicole Zoltack

The text and critique are only posted on this blog and not on a true public forum. Next Wednesday, I'll critique again.

If you're interested in a critique, send your first 500 words to me at lynnette_labelle at hotmail dot com. Please put "Blog Critique" in the subject, so I know it's not spam. Let me know the genre of the sample and whether or not I have permission to use your name. There are a few people still waiting for crits, so your piece will be added to the queue. I'll let you know roughly how long it'll be once I receive your sample.

Please note: I'm only accepting one sample per person at this time.

Thanks to all who've volunteered to share their work on my blog.  I'm a professional editor.  If anyone is interested in having their query, synopsis, and/or manuscript edited, I can help.  I'm also a writing coach, so I can teach you how to edit your own manuscript.  Plus, I offer one-on-one courses on the craft of writing.  Contact me for more information or visit my site.

Lynnette Labelle


  1. Thanks Nicole for submitting for our education :)

    This could be an intense scene, very active. I like the POV, and the voice is kinda risky-jaunty. Shows this character isn't all business, enjoys his work - whatever it may be. I like that the scene is action oriented, but we get to know a little about his for connection.

    I agree I would have liked to see more of The Stalker's internalization; how he thinks, why he's stalking this particular "prey", what he'll get - emotionally or professionally - out of the kill.

    Sounds like an interesting character, and the tone and pace you've set let me know I'd be in for an action packed adventure.

    Thanks again for sharing your writing. And thanks Lynette for the crit preview.


  2. Wow, that was gripping! I loved the set up. A few parts were a little confusing. At first it seemed like your MC was excited to kill the man, then you mentioned that their face was grim. Second, I was wondering why the man sat down and fiddled with the dirt after he was running, then began to run again. It was sort of a random pause.

    Very good though!

  3. I liked the piece and the crit. :) It's always interesting to see what different eyes pick up. Thanks to both of you - this is helpful to read!

  4. Very interesting! I liked the setup, and I think Lynette's comments were spot-on. Can't wait to see what happens with this, Nicole!

  5. I love reading critiques. I always feel bad for not noticing the same things others do, though!

  6. Thank you so much your thorough critique, Lynnette! I've already started to make changes based on your excellent suggestions.