Here's my blog critique of TATTOO MY HEART by Suzie Quint. Thanks to Suzie for volunteering. Feel free to add to my crit, agree with it or disagree. Reading is subjective, and to a certain degree, so is editing.
Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.
Blog Crit of Tattoo My Heart by Suzie Quint
The text and critique are only posted on this blog and not on a true public forum. Next Wednesday, I'll critique again.
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Lynnette Labelle
http://www.labelleseditorialservices.com/
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Oops! I have technical problem. No reputible tattooist would give a person that had been drinking a tat. The alcohol makes the tat bleed like crazy, making it hard to do a decent job.
ReplyDeleteSuzi<-- tattooed lady
Interesting, Suzi. I didn't know that. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLynnette Labelle
www.labelleseditorialservices.com
I think this was awesome-very good voice. But this scene could probably go better after the important moment/change happens, and the protagonist looks back on it. Sort of like, "And to think only a few hours ago I was putting a tattoo on a rich drunk guy.." Only not exactly in those words. ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat read!
Yes, this is a very detailed description of the two men in her parlor. But doesn't tell me anything about Bo that I'd like to know to feel a connection to her.
ReplyDeleteShe interests me mostly by her occupation. That says she is an engaging character, with perhaps an adventureous past. Her description doesn't have to be overt. You could easily show her through the lay out of her work environment and some internal reasongs for the arrangements.
Why she notices specific details about the customers could fill in a lot of gaps about who Bo is and set up your inciting incident without flat out stating it.
You're very good with descriptions. I think you could use that strength to your advantage.
......dhole