Here's my blog critique of GIVING UP THE GHOST by Jenn Maxwell. Thanks to Jenn for volunteering. Feel free to add to my crit, agree with it or disagree. Reading is subjective, and to a certain degree, so is editing.
Below is my detailed critique. Please select FULL SCREEN to view, then once the document is open RIGHT CLICK to ZOOM and view the comments.
Blog Crit of Giving_Up_the_Ghost by Jenn Maxwell
Thanks to all who've volunteered to share their work on my blog. I'm a professional editor. If anyone is interested in having their query, synopsis, and/or manuscript edited, I can help. I'm also a writing coach, so I can teach you how to edit your own manuscript. Plus, I offer one-on-one courses on the craft of writing, and am now teaching an online group course called Hook, Line, and Sinker: How to Hook Readers and Reel Them In. Contact me for more information or visit my site.
Lynnette Labelle
http://www.labelleseditorialservices.com/
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This is a great sample of what a writer can expect to see! TY
ReplyDelete~Fellow Crusader
Kim
I'd like to correct something you said. You are an "amazing" professional editor :) This looks soo good.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
ReplyDeleteLynnette Labelle
www.lynnettelabelle.com
I confess, I'm a bit confused about the POV slips. Some did seem out of place to me, but others seemed just fine. For example, knowing the guy's excited when he leans forward. It might be better to throw in some more description, like he starts talking faster, or his eyes light up, etc. But when I read it, and it said he leaned forward, I instantly understood that he was excited, and I don't see why the main character shouldn't also.
ReplyDeleteIf you wouldn't mind explaining, I'd greatly appreciate it!
Sure, Jenn. In the example you used, a man leaning forward doesn't mean he's excited. It might mean he wants to be closer to someone or something. It might mean he's reaching for something. Maybe he's just changing positions in his seat. There really isn't enough of a reason for her to make an assumption like that. Now, use him leaning forward WITH something else and she can ASSUME she knows why he's doing something, but she can never really KNOW. If you word it that "It seems" or "She believed" or "He probably", then that tells the reader that the POV character is making an assumption based on what she's seeing. Does that help?
ReplyDeleteLynnette Labelle
www.lynnettelabelle.com