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About Me
- Lynnette Labelle
- Lynnette Labelle is a freelance editor with over fifteen years of experience. She’s the owner of Labelle’s Writing on the Wall, an editing and coaching service for writers. Her clients range from new writers to New York Times and USA Today best-selling authors like Roni Loren, Rebecca Hamilton, and Cristin Harber. Lynnette works with writers seeking traditional publishing and indie authors. She specializes in developmental and line editing combos as well as manuscript evaluations. She helps writers create hooky query letters and strong synopses, and teaches several writing classes. If you're looking for a freelance editor, check out her website: www.labelleseditorialservices.com
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Personally, I like this one better--it throws me into the story.
ReplyDeleteIt also really stands out as unique.
I liked the last one as a set up but this segways nicely are you sure you can't use both? Again, I want to turn the page... =)
ReplyDeleteBeth: Thanks. To me, this wasn't unique, but that might be my "you suck as a writer" side.
ReplyDeleteT.Anne: If I use option #1, then this would follow. If I use this, then #1 won't exist at all.
Lynnette Labelle
This seems more like a section AFTER the story has already started. It is fun to read, its well written, but I don't feel the "hook". I like the other one better.
ReplyDeleteI liked the first one better, though the showing versus telling factor was good in this. I think I got a good, quick feel of the MC's personality.
ReplyDeleteI liked this one better. I didn't think the first one started in the middle of enough action. If you grounded this a little more in the setting, then it might be easier to get hooked in. (i.e. what is a booth and where is it?) Maybe a little more internal reflection (is she starting to feel like Zach is stalking her?) Thanks for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteI totally believed in her character but not his. He doesn't sound ..... normal?...real?... not like things a guy would actually "say". Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I agree with what Eric said. I was thinking the same thing. More like later in the book.
ReplyDeleteThis has a darker feel to it than the first option. I'd peg this as more of a dark suspense whereas the earlier one seemed lighter. I'd love to see a combination of the two. Maybe keep the first few paragraphs of option one and then she gets interrupted with the phone call as she's walking in?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and for letting us comment--it's always fun reading other writer's stuff!
I prefer option #1. This opening packs a lot of suspense into a few paragraphs. If I opened a book and it started like this I would expect it to be a cover-to-cover suspense.
ReplyDeleteThe other reason I like #1: if your book is published/sold as romantic suspense then it's not necessary to put that much tension in the beginning...people will have an idea of what to expect by the genre (my opinion).
Hope it helps!
I like this one better. The only thing that threw me off a bit is that it feels like there ought to be something right before, if that makes sense. Maybe back up a paragraph or two?
ReplyDelete#1 was ligher/fluffier, so this one reads more compelling. If you don't want it to be this dark, and have to carry it through, maybe a combo feel of both beginnings?
ReplyDeleteI think this is a good, hookish opening paragraph:
"Her grip increased on the phone..."
I like this one better. :)
ReplyDeleteNicely done!
(Oh, and I agree with the others--I do think that there should be a little bit before this because it feels a tiny bit disjointed.)
ReplyDelete